I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
