Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
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Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
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we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.