I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
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things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
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Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.