His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you win again, gameday.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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