you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
