When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...