I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma