judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
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I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
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there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly