she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
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We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
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Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea