my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible