he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...