he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
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He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
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So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...