You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
