Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority