Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle