I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it