I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude