WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?