You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.