i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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