at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.