Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent