Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
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Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
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im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent