I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize