so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
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Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end