Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Put some vodka in it
put some vodka in it
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.