We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
