You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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