Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.