I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.