You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dating After Heartbreak
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.