Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
