This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
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I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
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He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.