I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
