her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...