You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.