There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
this must be what syphilis tastes like