Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
it wasn't lemon gatorade
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job