there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
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My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
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Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.