positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
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grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend