I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.