Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Virginia (703)

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.

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  (703): just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator. http://tfl.nu/c4j4
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  apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies

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  (703): apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies http://tfl.nu/vhuy
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  I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.

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  (703): I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single. http://tfl.nu/3gnr
  Replies (70) Good night (948) Bad night (6406)
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  Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.

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  (703): Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day. http://tfl.nu/0otc
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  BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.

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  (703): BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP. http://tfl.nu/bqsy
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  Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.

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  (703): Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience. http://tfl.nu/jxin
  Replies (73) Good night (4071) Bad night (6170)
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  i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.

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  (703): i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room. http://tfl.nu/rb5o
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  Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life

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  Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard

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  (703): Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life (541): Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard http://tfl.nu/54p5
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  He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.

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  (703): He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet. http://tfl.nu/muj7
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  I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay

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  (703): I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay http://tfl.nu/jcra
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  he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust

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  (703): he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust http://tfl.nu/nu3n
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  there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...

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  (703): there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40... http://tfl.nu/f1ts
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  tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.

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  (703): tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions. http://tfl.nu/m5qp
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  And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...

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  (703): And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet... http://tfl.nu/n7ez
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  I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.

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  (703): I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk. http://tfl.nu/xfwn
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