hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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