Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
