So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier