Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession