onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
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A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
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Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?