He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
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shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
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the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times