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if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
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