He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
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so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
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shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
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the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times