Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
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my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
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i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.