I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
