I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.