Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New York (516)

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  (516): View more from New York

  Man, jail baloney is awful.

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  (516): Man, jail baloney is awful. http://tfl.nu/9ubn
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  I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye

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  (516): I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye http://tfl.nu/uiop
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  How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?

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  (516): How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear? http://tfl.nu/ycsa
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  You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers

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  (516): You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers http://tfl.nu/mh21
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  You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.

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  (516): You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit. http://tfl.nu/xfz2
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  Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.

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  (516): Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand. http://tfl.nu/xjsp
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  Can you return condoms to CVS?

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  Only if you return your pride as well.

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  (631): Can you return condoms to CVS? (516): Only if you return your pride as well. http://tfl.nu/vx1b
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  This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me

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  (516): This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me http://tfl.nu/3xgn
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  All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.

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  (516): All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job. http://tfl.nu/ssdv
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  I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.

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  (516): I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified. http://tfl.nu/1mep
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  He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore

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  (516): He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore http://tfl.nu/31xs
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  so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me

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  (516): so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me http://tfl.nu/fxoz
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  I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.

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  (516): I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen. http://tfl.nu/vaik
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  WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE

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  (516): WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE http://tfl.nu/y0z3
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  shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.

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  (516): shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously. http://tfl.nu/hrom
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