my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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