I cockslap morals
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize