Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
