You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
