Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
