i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
