had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
