Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
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i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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