babies were throwing up all over the place
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
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separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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