Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
