dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
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I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
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I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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